15 years ago

I just realized that this blog might be the oldest digital asset I own.

I started using the ‘net before the internet, at a time when users connected to local computers to share messages, files, etc. Then the internet came and my online life started growing at a faster pace. And with that, my digital assets started multiplying: all the different email addresses I have created during the years, the messages I posted here and there, the websites I built, the profiles I generated on hundreds of different websites, etc.

But it is all now forgotten, lost in the digital heaven. I kind of remember my very first email address, I think it was dreamland@oneofthepopularprovidersofthattime. I’d love to still have access to that old account and check some of the emails I was sending and receiving. This was a time when the internet was only fun. I was not working online, I was not using emails for work, etc. Damn, that was a time where we did not even have search engines. I still remember buying a magazine every month that contained URLs of interesting websites to visit. I always run back home to check those websites and discover new communities.

And then I have this space.

The first post is from 2005, 15 years ago. At that time I was still living in Italy, I just started working at a big law firm and I was focused on work, work, work. During these 15 years many things happened: I fell in love, I moved to the U.S., I got married, I became an American lawyer, I started teaching, I became a U.S. citizen and I just celebrated 10 years of marriage. I see myself 15 years back and I see someone slightly different: I had more energy and I was more ready to try new things, new projects, new adventures. Now I have some of the same hobbies and passions, but I feel somehow prisoner of my own life.

Don’t get me wrong, I am quite happy with what I have, but I feel an energy inside of me that would like to come out and somehow it never does. Even the push to write is part of this energy that can’t come out. I have so many things I would like to write, so many projects I would like to start, so many ideas I would like to create, but I always end up spending one day after another and then realizing I did not do all these things.

I am not sure why this happens, or maybe I do know. I think there are two issues: on one side, work; on the other side my starving for information. Let me explain.

Work is important, and I tend to be a perfectionist. Until I feel I have achieved perfection in what I do, I just keep on working hard. This means that I tend to wake up in the morning and think about my job. I then become somehow alienated by it, because I spend too much time on it, but I can’t stop.

Starving of information. I have always been very curious. I have always enjoyed learning new things, reading new stuff, etc. The problem today is that information is everywhere and for someone like me, that means I can’t stop reading and checking stuff online. I spend hours reading posts on social media, not just stupid memes, but messages about new stuff: how to learn a new language, bitcoin, political news, life of historical figures, how to store your books, how to prepare a food recipe, etc. Tons and tons of information that goes into my brain like if I was a drug addict. And as an addict, I can’t stop searching for information. Problem is that this takes away a lot of my time, and also does not reflect well on my energy levels. After working for a full day, and spending hours reading and reading and reading, my mind is exhausted. In the back of it I still have the projects I would like to start, the idea I would like to build, but I am just too tired.

And every day it’s like “I’ll do this tomorrow, I promise”. Even the idea of writing a journal is something that I keep thinking and keep postponing. I am somehow surprised that today I found the energy to stop for a few minutes and write this blog post. Well, this is a good sign. Maybe it’s the beginning of a new me. You will find this out…if you don’t see any more post here for some time, it means I went back to the normal life I have described above. If you see me tomorrow or in the next few days, then something is really changing.

I hope to see you soon, very soon!

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