Today I received an email that told me that my gorgeous George’s ashes are ready and George will come back home soon. This news shocked me because for the first time I felt the final moment of George in this world. His body is not here anymore, I have no way to go see him, even if his spirit is not with us. That’s it. My beautiful George is gone forever from this world and he continues to live in our heart. I miss him deeply every single day and I keep seeing him everywhere at home.

Yesterday for example I was walking up the stairs to go to bed and I looked down, thought the small hole in the wall that is connected to the kitchen. So many times I would see through that hole and spot George in the kitchen, close to the cabinet, waiting for me to join him and give him some treats. At that same time that sweet memory is also bitter right now, because that’s the cabinet that stored all the food bags and cans that I bought in the last few months. Each back was a drop of hope. With each new food, I thought I found the solution to the enigma, I thought I found the food George would love and eat and that would bring him back full of energy and spirit.

Today is also the day that the doctor told me my aorta continues to be slightly enlarged. Nothing major now but that news didn’t scare me a bit. I know that some people will think I’m crazy, but death doesn’t scare me anymore. Death is the moment that I’ll see George, and Holly, and Botolo and Melina and my Grandmas back again. Not a bad thing but quite a sweet moment!

Anyway, life continues to go on. This freaking life and all of its problems continue to move forward, one day after the other, without caring about the friends and loved ones we left behind. It’s like a cruncher that keeps on crunching whatever you feed to it and doesn’t stop not even for a second.

George, it would be so nice to just wake up and realize this has all been a dream and see you on the bed, sleeping close to me as usual. I miss you, patatino mio.