Today was a hard day for us. I finally found the courage to go back to Mash to pick up George’s carrier and collars. We had so many adventures on that carrier, so many vet visits, so many great visits when we celebrated your great health and amazing improvements, but also so many scary visits, including the last one. That carrier also reminds me of the most recent visits, when we decided to just keep it open while in the car and when you were putting your head outside the carrier to study the world around you. And those collars, which somehow represent the bad times because you were wearing them when you had your e-tube. For some reasons I am still attached to them because you were super cute wearing them, you looked like a little Prince!

And then we got your remains, the nice container with your ashes, your fur and the print of your paws and nose. That was hard. Somehow it was harder for your mom than for me. I feel that I have exhausted my tears at this point and seeing those ashes didn’t change anything in the big hole I have in my heart. Your mom always acts strong but yesterday it was the time she let it go.

Anyway, you’re finally back home, where you belong. I hope your spirit came back home with your ashes and your collars and carriers and I hope that now you’re just here with me, on the brown desk in the bedroom, the one facing the trees of the patio. And I think of you while you’re jumping in that little side corner where you run away with your sister Holly, the day we moved into this apartment. I hope you’re here with me and I wonder whether you’re looking at me crying right now and wondering: “why is he crying if I’m here?” OK, you’re right. I’ll stop crying because you’re still with me and I know you’ll be with me forever. And then I look right behind you and I see my beautiful Holly with her big green eyes. You’re right, Holly, you’re also been with me and I can feel that. I miss both of you a lot!

With love, your dad.