Today is a week since you left us. I still remember waking up early, thinking that I would have seen you soon and that we would have continued the fight together, and then checking the phone and seeing all the missed calls from the hospital. I remember going quickly through the transcript of the voicemails left by the doctor and reading “passed”…my little George, my love.

While the shock of your departure is slowly fading away, I am left with thousands of questions and regrets. Right now the biggest regret is not understanding that that day it would have been the last time I would have seen you. I would have hugged you continuously if I knew that. I promised you that I would have never allowed death to come pick you up without me, I promised that I would not have done what I already did with Botolo and Holly, but death tricked me. I keep thinking about you at the hospital, wondering if you realized what was going to happen, if you had pain, if they came to help you right away, and if somewhere in your mind and heart you thought about me.

I love you so much and I loved you so much. The last few years have been challenging for both of us, but oh man how close we got. You were and are my baby and I wanted to protect you from the bad things that happen in life, death included. I wanted you to live forever, and I know that in the last few days you were feeling very sick. Who knows what happened to your body, maybe the doctor was right that you had a renal infarct, who knows….and at this point I just don’t care, I just care that you are not here with me. Every single day I realize how much of my time was dedicated with joy and love to you, and how empty my life is right now. I miss you my little George, I miss you a lot!