My dear George left me one day ago and my heart is broken. We fought for the last four years with some of his health issues and I thought until the end that I would have saved him one more time also this time. But that didn’t happen. Two voice mails in the middle of the night informed me that he collapsed while at the hospital. I keep wondering if he felt pain, if he was scared, if he needed me at that moment, and I just can’t believe that he is gone. He was the sweetest cat ever, my friend, my love, my meaning of life together with his sister Holly, who I lost four years ago.

I miss him every second. He would be here with me on the table while writing this post now. He would go to the cabinet to look for treats, or ask me to open the window to look outside the patio. I miss his face, I miss his eyes, I miss how he was running down the stairs every time I entered the house. I miss taking care of him, making sure he was eating his food, making sure he was taking his medications. I miss petting him, feeling his purr close to me. I miss when he was coming in the morning and waking me up with his paws, or when he was jumping on the bed at night coming close to me. His face was the sweetest ever, he seemed always almost surprised that I loved him so much. He seemed shy and careful not to cause any trouble, without realizing that he was my world and he could have done whatever he wanted in the house.

George, I can’t stand the idea that life will go on, I can’t stand the idea that I know I will slowly forget all the small details I now remember. I can’t stand that you’ll become just a memory. I can’t stand the way life goes on and the way our mind somehow takes care of the pain by turning off some memories. I can’t stand this, I don’t want to leave you behind, I don’t want to forget it, I don’t want to move on without you.

Forgive me for not being able to save you one more time. Forgive me for not understanding what was happening. Forgive me, my dear George. I love you so deeply and I will love you forever.